What Should Have Been Said
by elbeewoods
Summary: The conversation Tara should have had with Jax after his betrayal.
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Sons of Anarchy.

A/N A big special thank you to Mcllwain for pushing me to post this story, this is for you.

* * *

"I can't Jax I can't get it out of my mind, she knows how your body feels if it is hot, cold or hot and sweaty. She knows the taste of your lips, she has touched your lips, touched your tongue. I see all of this in my mind Jax, I see it. She knows what it feels like to have you inside her, she knows what it feels like when you cum, your moan, the look on your face she knows all of this Jax, all of it. Did you whisper sweet nothings in her ear? Was it easy for you to cum did she excite you so much you couldn't satisfy your thirst for her? Did you cum more than once? Of course you did. Did you go all night long? How did her breast feel when you sucked them? Do you still remember how they felt, how they tasted, how hard her nipples were? I know you did, did you suck on the crook of her neck did she suck on yours to make you cum? Did you sleep all wrapped in each other's arms with her head across your chest over your heart? Did you go down on her? Will you always remember what her pussy tastes like, what it looks like? Do I have to worry when I kiss you that I am actually kissing where her pussy had been? Then do I have to worry about all the different people that have been in her pussy because it is now on my mouth? Do you still remember her calling your name when she was cuming? Did she call it over and over again? Can you still hear her moan? Did you nuzzle to the crook of her neck when you were cuming? Did you and Ima talk about what a fool I am? Did you call her name over and over when you were cuming? Did you care if she got off?"

"Stop it that is enough!"

"Is it Jax, is it enough how many times was enough? Did you kiss the curve in her lower back when you took her from behind? Do you still want her?"

"Tara stop you can't keep doing this to yourself."

"I'm not doing this to me you did it, you and her... I can't help it Jax I see it all of the time, every time my eyes close I see it. Every time you touch me I know you have touched her. When you are inside me I think about you being inside her, do you think you would be able to forget it? I didn't think so. Do you think you would be haunted by it day and night then people bring up her name and they all turn to you waiting to see how you react because they all know, everyone knows you made sure of that, how would you feel about that? Would you walk back in the clubhouse again or would it hurt your pride? You have humiliated me in front of EVERYONE you threw her in my face. Why would I want to come back in a clubhouse that I am supposed to be queen of, why? What would you need to hear to make it better, to get you over it, to make you feel better about it, what would it take for you to forget? Tell me Jax what? I just can't shake it, it's been 2 years and it is still a fresh cut I try not to say anything so I don't upset you but why am I worried about upsetting you I didn't do anything wrong. You weren't worried about me I didn't cross your mind that night, no it was Ima that is who you were thinking about that night all night long. I was home waiting for you alone if you were so intent on 'blowing off steam' you could have come home, I was there but that's right you didn't want me, you wanted her!"

"How about when she was gloating there in my face with your fucking shirt on? Did you enjoy that was that your idea? Did you enjoy the pain I was in? How would you have felt then? Would you ever walk in that room again? Would you lie in that bed?"

"Tara I am not telling you again that it was nothing."

"Then don't tell me again." With that she rolled over and turned her back to Jax as he sighed dropping his head and rubbing his face.

"What can I do to make this better? What do I need to do to make you forget?"

"I don't know what would you need me to do?"

"Let me kill the fucker."

"Yeah that is what I thought I would like to be alone now."

Jax looked at her and knew he needed to leave but felt if he did then things could get worst, he was going to stay right there with her if she talked to him or not. He wasn't going to desert her now like he did before, she isn't as strong as she was before, she is beat down now and as long as he can be close to her he will be, with a guard at the door or not.


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Sons of Anarchy

A/N A special thank you to my beta Mcllwain who takes my ramblings and makes sense of them, I couldn't do this without her. Thank you everyone for the kind reviews. This was originally a oneshot that turned into a short story.

* * *

Chapter 2

"Jax I don't want to hear this."

"You did last night you wanted to hear all the sordid details so now I am going to tell you."

"No, Jax please don't. I don't want to hear anymore."

"When we got to the apartment I shoved her in the door on to the bed. I made her abuse my body because I felt like shit, I felt like I was no good. I couldn't treat you like you deserved, I had called you a rat and then when I get back to the clubhouse I find out you weren't, I knew the truth but it was an excuse to break it off with you. I wanted to physically hurt, I wanted the outside of my body to hurt as much as the inside did but nothing she could do to me would take the pain away, it only made it worse. With every abuse she bestowed on me I saw your face disgusted with what I was doing. I was mean, mean to you and even her. I didn't necessarily treat her too well either."

"What now you want me to feel sorry for her? That's bullshit Jax. You can't tell me that fucking whore didn't love every minute that you were with her. She was gloating that morning rubbing it in my face and you just lay there and didn't do and goddamn thing. You were teaming up with her against me. It was supposed to be the other way around, after all the shit that she had put me through you sided with her. Was she in on it? Did she know that you unlocked the door so that I was walk in that morning, did you tell her what the plan was? TELL ME WAS SHE?"

"No Babe she was not, that was my own stupid idiotic plan, one that wasn't thought out to well but it was my plan. When you left, I told her to leave I couldn't stand to look at her, I didn't want to see her it reminded me of my failures. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. Failures to protect you even if what you needed protection from was me. I would kill anyone that had treated you like I did. I am surprised that one of my brothers didn't, Opie gave me a piece of his mind he pretty much threatened me and he was serious. The other brothers let me know that they were not happy with the way I treated you and let me know that you would always be in the SAMCRO family whether I liked it or not."


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Sons of Anarchy

* * *

Chapter 3

"Jax I don't think that leaving town is a good idea."

"Why?"

"What good is it going to do? I am not ever going to forget that smug ass look of hers on her face and the fucking bitch had the damn nerve to speak like she was some fucking body. Like she had fucked you so she thought you were madly in love with her and she was going to run things around here from then on. Jax you hurt me you will never know the depth of that hurt."

"Tara, have you forgot who you are talking to? I know you like the back of my hand, I know how far that cut went I know that it went deeper than any you have ever experienced. Deeper than what your father had ever took out on your body, deeper than that psycho son of a bitch that terrorized you for so long. Baby I know that I fucked up, you don't have to tell me that but I am not letting you run off, not this time. We are going on a trip, we are leaving the boys with Gemma, we are taking 2 prospects with us."

"Whoa wait... why are we taking 2 prospects with us?"

"I told you, that you are going to be guarded 24/7 I am not going to give you that chance to leave. If I have to I will tie your pretty ass on my motorcycle. I am serious we are going to work this shit out I don't care how long it takes."

"Jax this isn't going to go away overnight we can't just wrap everything up in a couple of days? There is just so much pain and hurt that came rushing back yesterday when she pulled that gun on Gemma, Lyla and me she had that same damn satisfied looking smirk on her face like she had that morning. Then she fucking looked me in the eye and laughed. She got off on threatening us she thought that she was the shit. She pulled a gun on us with our baby boy right there. He could have been killed because of that slut. She needs to be killed Jax, I never thought I would say that in my life but that bitch needs to pay for endangering our son."

"You think I don't know that? She will calm back down now after I broke her nose yesterday. She has been told not to come to this clubhouse again and to stay away from my family. But that bitch will pay for what she did. Come on let's get dressed and take the boys to Gemma."

"Does Gemma know where we are going and what for?"

"Yeah Babe, everyone knows."

"Great more awkward stares. I just don't think I can do this anymore. I have been humiliated, by you enough I just want to be away from everyone and left alone."

"Tara they do that because they love you and worry about you. Believe me those are stares of compassion. I get the stairs of disgust, stupidity and just plain old ignorance. They aren't happy with me and the way I treated you. Like they said you are part of the club you are not an Old Lady to them, no your Doc and nothing will change that not even me."


	4. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Sons of Anarchy

* * *

Chapter 4

"What makes you so sure that I can forgive you? I haven't been able to so far. She is in my nightly nightmares with Cameron, Half Sac, Salazar, Lousia, Abel and the porn slut with her 'morning' oh yeah and you, laying in bed that morning. I was pregnant with your baby and you are there smoking a fucking cigarette with Ima in the bathroom. Ewwww I hate you Jackson Teller I hate you. Look what you have done to me, are fucking happy?"

"TARA, come back here! PLEASE! You can't leave they won't let you out of the house. I'm not taking any chances so you might as well get used to it."

"Come on Babe, let's get the boys dressed, I'll get Thomas ready if you can get Abel then we will go out together and then we are going out of town."

"No Jax, I really don't want to go. I don't want to dig up all those skeletons they have been buried for two years now. I don't want to think about it, it hurts too much."

"Babe they aren't buried. That is the problem they weren't buried deep enough, we need to bury them so deep that they won't come up. We need to do it for you, for me and for our boys. I can't be the man I am supposed to be until we go through this conversation and it quits hanging over our heads. We have to get rid of if we plan on staying together for the rest of our lives and I hate to tell you that is what we are going to be doing. We have to do this for our boys Tara. I hate that I am in your nightly nightmares, I don't like that I'm not in your dreams. I want to work on this so I am back in your dreams like I use to be."

"Jax how many different ways can I say you fucked a porn slut. How many because that is what the problem is?"

"As many different ways as you want Babe, you are right and I can't change that, I can only show you that it is never happening again."

"Are you still going to flirt with the porn sluts, crow eaters, sweet butts and anything with tits?"

"Tara I don't flirt, these girls come up to me I don't go to them."

" BULLSHIT"

"What are you talking about I don't flirt."

"Yes you do, you lay your "darlin" on the them, you use your blue eyes and your drop your panties smile, then eyeing them up and down inviting them to come over to you, you puff out your chest begging them to touch you. You want them to feel your abs to show them off you only work on those abs so women will fawn over them and they do, they run their hands up under your cut and rub your chest and if they are brave they wrap their arms around you rubbing your back too. YOU do that right in front of me, YOU ignore me and are egging these women on to come and touch the Prince of Charming. I am tired of it Jax I am tired of being ignored, taken for granted, the whole thing I am tired of being treated as a second rate citizen. I am tired of those bitches talking shit about me all the time, the porn sluts don't know to keep their hands to themselves, they don't try. They think you are some free dick and they all want you to dip it in them and that you are at their disposal, they think they own you and your old ladies aren't shit because you go to them for blow jobs and pussy."

"_Tara_, there is no one that means anything to me but you, I don't want those other women. You, you are the only one that I want you have to believe that. I love you with all of my heart and I don't want anyone else."

"I am tired of being disrespected by all of these sluts and tell me just to ignore them that they don't mean anything to you well we already know that's a lie. If you had treated me with respect, the respect you expect as VP to the Redwood Original and future President and demanded the same for your Old Lady in the beginning then we wouldn't be having this trouble. You demand respect from your other employees and their wives then why not them? Why not these employees? Are their pussies that good?"

"No on all accounts."

"Then why do you treat the mother of your children that way, why can't you respect me? I don't want our boys to grow up and think that they can treat women the way that you treat me."

"Tara honey I don't mean to treat you with any, disrespect I am sorry, Baby please understand that I am sorry I guess I am so used to doing that it has been my way of life, I don't realize that I am doing it but I will stop I promise you I will stop and I won't let anyone touch me, I will respect you when you are with me and when you aren't. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable at all you are the mother of my children and you come first in the clubhouse and in my heart. You are right the VP of the Mother Charter Redwood Original's Old Lady should never be disrespected by an employee of the club anywhere and especially in her own clubhouse. That is not acceptable. We are going to have to remind all of our employees that."

Tara I never meant you any disrespect, I would never disrespect you. I love and cherish you, you are a gift to me, my life changed both times you came into it. It was then I realized that my life would never be the same and that's a good thing. You were there when I needed you most. My life would be miserable without you,, I am never going to be miserable again in my life because I will always love you and have you."

"Jax you really want me to spend the rest of your life with me"?

"YEAH"


End file.
